Happy Holidays! – A Special Memory from Christmas Day 2011- Remembering Li Bailey

Last year was a very special Christmas Day. My best friend Li had metastatic breast cancer (MBC) and she had started hospice in her home. She had an extremely precious caregiver named Nora who I am still in touch with because she became part of our family. Li didn’t have any siblings and her parents were both deceased, so her best friends were her family, and I was so lucky to be one of them. Li’s disease was progressing and she was having difficulty walking so she needed the help of a walker.

Li wanted to make a special day for Christmas and invited Kathy, Joy and myself to come over to her apartment to celebrate the day. Li was so excited about getting everything ready. We all brought food over and the day before Nora helped her get the table set just the way Li wanted it so that we could all sit together for this great feast.

This was one of Li’s happiest days while being sick. She enjoyed working with Nora so everything was in the right place and LI was meticulous about the preparations. I got to Li’s apartment first and helped her out of bed, brushed her teeth, got her dressed, etc. Then when Kathy and Joy came over we started having our great meal. What meant so much was how we all knew it was our last Christmas with Li and she knew it too, but we were all in the moment.

We took breaks in between the meal  because Li wanted to go through some of her things and share them with us.  We also went through some of her modeling photos when she was 16. She was a sensational model and she was even in Vogue. Joy brought back some “limoncello apéritif” from Italy and we had a set of four little glasses that we each toasted with. Li even had a sip although I know she couldn’t drink all of the drink. I now have those beautiful apéritif glasses and I treasure them with a great memory of that day.

I have to give Li credit. Even though each time she lost more mobility she accepted what was happening and bravely entered each new phase as she got to the end. The hospital bed was the hardest but she was terribly uncomfortable with her bloated tummy from the liver metastases and she realized that the movable bed really was the best thing. When she got in it she was so much more comfortable.

Because Christmas is coming again this year my mind is remembering a lot about the end of last year. I was supposed to go to my Mom’s for the holidays but because Li was starting hospice I just couldn’t leave her and I have the best mom in the world. She told me not to come home and stay with my friend who needed me.

That was another great thing about Li. She made me feel so good because I could help her. Helping others with breast cancer, early stage and any type of metastatic cancer helps me cope and feel empowered since I could do nothing to save anyone’s life, especially Li’s from cancer. One of the biggest reasons I am a patient advocate is so I can help others. That’s why I started my non-profit Advocates 4 Breast Cancer, so I can make a difference.

I am in the process of getting my site up and because it is so time-consuming, I am going to try to blog less so I can get the company up and running. It’s so great to have this blog and I find myself blogging when I am bursting with energy to write about something. This day with Li, Joy and Kathy was so special to us. Our friend was such a gift. Now I must make sure that my voice and work advocating helps others. While I am excited about the National Breast Cancer Coalition’s deadline 2020 to end breast cancer, there is so much else that needs to be done as an advocate and I can’t wait to get this important work moving. I owe it to all of my fearless friends out there and I promise to do my best to make a difference.

I hope all of you have a lovely holiday and here’s to a wonderful 2013. I started this blog about six months ago, and I thank you so much for reading my posts, checking my daily online breast cancer newspaper, and having faith in me. I hope I can live up to your expectations.